Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
