It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
