There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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