So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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