What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
