You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm like, not good at living.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
