You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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