First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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