I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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