I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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