Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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