That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
