Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
