Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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