I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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