Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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