Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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