I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
