He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
