I wish I could punch you in the face.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
