why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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