John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
