I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize