ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
