Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
