I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Couch. On fire.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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