He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
