I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
