whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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