I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
