dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
