I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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