id be glad to
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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