the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
