i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Couch. On fire.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
