Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
