I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
