i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
