So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
