doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
