We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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