ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
