I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
