Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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