sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
