I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
