As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
