The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
