Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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