the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
