This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
