Don't make out with my wife yet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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