I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
