if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
