After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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