I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
