Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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